I have for myself arrived at an affirmative faith in the nonexistence of God… It is militant, though not belligerent; convinced, but aware of difficulties in holding the position; an aggressive belief that is tempered by appreciative understanding of the motives and claims on the other side.
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| — | From M.C. Otto’s The Human Enterprise: An Affirmative Faith in the Nonexistence of God |
One thing that holds [humanity] back [from being atheist] is human mortality. Much of the persisting theism is crisis theism. Many people, even of those who ordinarily give no thought to God, and who never lift a finger on behalf of the values of life most intimately associated with his name, are transformed into theists when confronted by the fact or thought of death. They cannot admit that death is the rein of life, and since the existence of God is required to save it from being just that, a sufficient belief to meet the emergency lingers, though inert, in the background of their minds. I admit that it is a shallow belief, one that does not pervade their lives but comes forward only to attend funerals, weddings, and like occasions, yet it may be singularly genuine while it lasts. It lifts the believer for the moment, however temporary his belief, above the struggle for material advantage. He is made tender toward failure. A mood of reverence is awakened and a sense of the mystery of life. In a word, he lives for the time being in his better impulses. And when the theistic mood has retired again to the outermost fringe of interest, which it often does with shocking suddenness, the good words that were spoken for God in the interim echo and re-echo in memory. It is these echoes which hold many people back from accepting an explanation of the world which leaves out God, and makes them feel that anyone who faces death in the same nontheistic spirit as he faces life must be exceptionally handhearted, if not downright vicious.
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| — | From M.C. Otto’s The Human Enterprise: An Affirmative Faith in the Nonexistence of God |
Not believing in God has worked well. It has worked better than believing did. It is responsible for a realistic acquaintance with our world and a better understanding of human nature. This would seem to furnish evidence, of a kind usually considered good, that there is no superhuman being who cares what becomes of mankind. And the vast majority of people have apparently been convinced. They show it by the way they live day in and day out. They go about their business from morning to night taking no counsel of God. True enough, they would not dream of admitting it and they are offended if anyone else does, but such a paradoxical behavior is not unusual. Their refusal to be called unbelievers, like their continued attendance upon church services, though they do not subscribe to the church creed, merely shows that something holds them back from openly admitting what they take for granted six days of the week and most of the seventh. What is it that holds them back?
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| — | From M.C. Otto’s The Human Enterprise: An Affirmative Faith in the Nonexistence of God |
My exploration has come to many wonderful conclusions and understandings. I want to remain obsessively driven and busy but with intense focus. My activities must be a targeted exercise with definite intentions. A routine with allowance for appropriate dynamic change is required of me. I want to go from lost tornado to agile torpedo. My potential has improved dramatically in the last year.
My main activity areas will be as follows:
- Physical health and exercise- A regular workout will provide me with more energy, a more positive attitude, a better chance at solid sleep, the obvious aesthetic benefits, and a great form of meditation. All of this will increase my productivity and efficiency in everything else I do. In fact, according to a few professors I have spoken too, it will also increase the speed in which I think. Plus, I listen to mind blowing podcasts every time I workout that continue the expansion of my mind. I am currently working out five to twelve hours a week.
- Mental health and expression- For this, I will be focusing on creative and introspective writing (in this blog) as well as philosophical and fictional reading. The fictional reading will consist of books related to futurism or books that will teach me certain concepts I am interested in understanding. My philosophical pursuits will be in the realms of what I think are fundamental aspects of being alive and understanding reality. My favorite areas include: epistemology, sociology, and ethics. More specifically: existentialism, humanism, utilitarianism, agnosticism, atheism, skepticism, and theories of the mind. This blog will be a reflection of much of what these readings cause me to experience. I am currently reading The Stranger by Camus and Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke. I try to dedicate about an hour a day to these types of activities. I will also be randomly working on art projects but not all of the time. Currently, I am attempting to create a mini-documentary regarding sexuality, beliefs, ethics, and tolerance. We will see how that goes.
- Professional, continuing, and formal education accompanied by skill building- This one is easy because I have a crazy addiction to learning. The hard part about this is focus. Luckily, my choice in majors have forced me to follow a certain curriculum for at least that part of my learning (see my LinkedIn profile for more info on this ;)). Post graduation, I may pursue graduate programs in one science field and one business field while working full time. Marketing and Computer Science are my top choices right now while I am also considering Statistics, Mathematics, Digital Media, Mass Communication, and Economics. Historically, the learning I do outside of school is quite random and all over the place. I tend to read articles and research papers geared towards education, economics, social systems, neuroscience, mass and social media, futurism, the technological singularity, and artificial intelligence in my free time. Lately I have been attempting to focus more on Microsoft technologies, enterprise development practices, technical consulting, and the enterprise IT industry in general in order to prepare for my upcoming entry level position as a Support Engineer at Microsoft. I have recently created a blog where I will start writing more formal posts about this particular pursuit and the things I learn along the way. One big thing I still need to add to my schedule is learning how to program in C# in Visual Studio on a Windows platform. This will be tough to integrate into my schedule and also relies on acquiring my cousins old PC… I am currently dedicating about two to five hours a day to industry and scientific literature reviewing and about five to ten hours a day to school.
- Working and professional pursuits- In the last several months I have seriously cut back on this activity in order to get my ass out of school, prepare for graduation, and wipe my life clean of nonsense so I can build a good foundation for my future. Once I begin my career in July, I will probably be dedicating about 60 hours a week to work. For now, I am only working about six hours a week (plus a few other hours managing my tenants and maintaining my house).
- Family and friends- Socializing is quite limited for now. This varies greatly depending on my mood. I usually do not to spend more than an evening a week going out; sometimes two. Of course, randomly during the week, I spend minutes to an hour at a time handling phone calls and walk-up conversations. I enjoy the moments I do have with friends. Lately I have really enjoyed the simple conversations I have between classes and in the computer lab on campus.
- Sleeping regular and a good diet- …I try anyway. I prefer seven to eight hours of sleep a day and prefer four to six small meals that are prepared and consumed in between five to fifteen minutes. I always stay in bed for eight hours but have tortuous insomnia every few days or so; sometimes not sleeping at all. It has been getting much better in the last six weeks though.
- Fun and entertainment- (see all of the above) Being productive towards specific goals makes me the happiest. I hardly need anything else except love from those I care about. I also need to give love. Giving makes me really happy.
This is almost all I spend my time doing. It is pretty basic. Given what I have learned so far, these will all be necessary components to my success in life.
As I reflect over my life I have noticed something. When I was first growing up, my ideas, habits, interests, and moods became increasingly thrown and twisted into an ever increasingly violent whirlwind. While sounding so dramatic, it was just in my mind. My life is now much different. My direction is currently well defined. The people around me have always played an important role: they drove me. Their happiness, attention, and respect was often my only goal.
As a little boy I lived a very simple life. I moved almost every year of this life. Friends were only in passing with no one ever really getting the chance to know me. Private and home schooling did not help this. Most of my time was spent thinking and exploring the woods and natural settings around wherever I lived at the time. I loved to read and create random art projects in various mediums. My best friends were my mother and my brother and our dozens of pets. Taking care of little lives by creating tiny environments that were completely under my control was each its own small adventure. When I was in the woods, I spent much of my time doing organizational things such as mapping out the areas I traveled and creating locations with different purposes. They primarily served myself. Sometimes I showed others but they never cared as much as I did. How could they? Boring I am sure. It was a story from my own perspective. I knew all the details. The friends I did make before my teens were always really strange to me. I am sure they were all outliers in their own right. They were funny.
In high-school I learned how to be social; I mastered the art of getting attention and making friends. It was a complete obsession that was fulfilled. More people knew me than I could ever even try to remember. Unfortunately, even my closest friends always seemed more like acquaintances. I still have no one but my brother that shared my childhood. A shared history and experience is key to true empathy.
It came to the point, during my late teens and early twenties, that I was completely lost and a little mad. I wanted to do and be everything. It seemed that I wanted to be famous. My tornado has recently settled in the past few years. Now I just want a very simple life again. I want a few strange friends that are of the same alien universe as me and have the same potential for creating positive change in the world.
Leave to your opinions their own quiet undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be pressed or hurried by anything. Everything is gestation and then bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity: that alone is loving the artist’s life: in understanding as in creating.
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| — | From Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet: One |
I need to create more. I am constantly inspired with a flood of ideas of many different things I could create. These ideas are completely worthless without execution. My socks hold more utility than these seeds of thought given my current ability for action. School is so easy given its framework, schedule, deadlines, peer pressure, and general systematic nature. Why is it so hard for so many of us to create more only by our own desire? These negative fucking emotions hold me back. Those ‘moments of inspiration’ are more rare. I wish I could remain at the highest of energy at all times. I never accomplish enough.
